Victim's Options
3rd Option: Outsmarting

What strategies will help a victim talk her way out of danger? Now is the time to see which strategies fit you and which don’t.

Ann felt something was wrong when she returned home. As she stepped into the kitchen, a strange young man was tearing his way through her cabinets and drawers. "When I saw him, I tried to leave," said Ann. "But he slammed the door and pulled out a knife." ... She was terrified of becoming a victim. The intruder told her to go upstairs with him. She refused. He tried to force her into a bathroom, but became angry when she tried to lock the door. ... Though nervous, Ann tried to remain calm and reason with the man throughout the ordeal. She told him he would face greater charges if he harmed her in any way. "I just tried to talk to him," she said. "I told him 'Take my car, take my jewelry, take my money. Take whatever you want. Just don't harm me.' " ... The intruder took her advice, grabbed all he could, and drove off in her car. "I told him I wouldn't call the police," she said. "I lied."
Excerpted from The Charleston Post and Courier (SC) – 09 December 2000

Kathleen Gregg said two men entered her home, threatened her with a knife and tied her up face down on the floor. ``One man was saying to the other man, `I don't care what happens. We're going to go down together and she is going down with us,''' Gregg said. ... The intruders went through the house, rifling through jewelry and taking things they thought they could sell. ``One man was sitting on me and I kept thinking, `I need to get out of this house,' and I said, `The only way I can get you money is if we go to the bank.''' One of the assailants held a knife to her throat during the ride. ... Inside the bank, as she asked for money from a teller, she said one of the men stood beside her with the knife in her side. She gave the money to the men, then bolted along a hallway and hid in a closet. ``I thought 'I am not getting back into that car with this man and going anywhere. I've got to get out of there,''' she said.
Excerpted from The New York Times – 09 October 2003

“Appeal only to his self-interest, never to his mercy.” So wrote Robert Greene in “The 48 Laws of Power” of the ruthless political and military strategies of the legendary Machiavelli, Sun Tzu, and Von Clausewitz.

Greene describes how predators use selective honesty and partial truths, play dumb, and get victims to “play with the cards he deals.” However, the reverse is true as well. The victim can be selectively honest, play dumb, and refuse to play with his cards. Mix truth and lies together.

The storeowner was suddenly facing a ski-masked gunman demanding money. The owner slowly opened the money drawer, then raised his hands overhead and stepped back. While scooping out the cash, the gunman spotted a lock-box on the floor and demanded the key for it. The owner pointed to a key hanging on a nail just behind the gunman. As the robber was distracted while reaching for the key, the owner swiftly grabbed his own hidden gun and shot the robber dead.
Excerpted from The Daily Oklahoman – 10 November 2000

Carla Rivera didn't know whether to scream or just give in to her kidnapper. Keeping her cool, she instead persuaded the kidnapper to let her out of his sight just long enough to call police. ... Rivera's ordeal started about 8:30 a.m. as she pumped gas at a gas station. A man pointed a high-powered gun at her and attempted to rob her. "He asked me if I had any money," said Rivera, 28, still shaking inside her husband's truck minutes after the incident. "I said I didn't. So he said he wanted to go to Fontana to get some. I tried to talk him out of it. I convinced him to come over here. I said I had a friend who would give me cash." ... With a handgun inches from her head, Rivera nervously drove a few miles to where her husband, Robert, works. Her kidnapper dropped her off to go inside and get the money, but not before issuing a warning. "He said, 'You have 10 minutes before I start spraying,'" said Rivera, tears falling down her face. She entered the building and called police. The man traded fire with three officers before he was shot and killed.
Excerpted from The San Bernardino County Sun (CA) – 20 January 2004

VICTIM'S OUTSMARTING STRATEGIES
The most common question that precedes an attack on a victim is, “Excuse me, do you know the time?” The criminal assesses the victim and has an excuse to move closer. The best response is a simple “No” while making momentary eye contact. Project an attitude of "Buzz off, Bozo." Keep him in your peripheral vision while perhaps sticking your hand ominously into a pocket, waistband, or lapel and leaving it there – as though you have a weapon readied. If he calls your bluff by escalating to robbery anyway, tell him you'll slowly hand him your money then slowly hand him your money, and instantly flee to safety.

No, you don’t have a match, an extra cigarette or piece of gum. “It’s my last one.” No, you don’t know the directions to wherever. And, "No, you can't borrow my cell phone. The battery is dead." All said with a gruff voice. A criminal’s "conversation" is a test. Tough targets tend not to be selected as a victim. It doesn't matter if you’re considered rude.

(Better yet, don’t let him come near. Take an aggressive stance, raise a hand in a “Stop!” gesture, and fiercely tell him to "Stop!" If he persists, you’ll have more chance to flee before he gets near.)

Creative tactics like the ones below often save people selected as victims. Choose the gambits that suit you, or devise some of your own. But be very ready to instantly shift gears and flee, surrender, or fight.
• Sometimes a belligerent thug will mistakenly believe you’ve insulted him. Even if innocent, don't argue with a fool – instead, simply apologize to placate him. One-third of all homicides arises from petty altercations.
• Befriend him. If you treat him with respect, it might be harder for him to depersonalize and attack you.
• Rather than argue and dictate your wishes to him – ask him what he wants. Not that you’ll necessarily grant his wishes, but you may discover a compromise or solution. Of course, never trust his promises.
• Appeal to his pride. Act like you expect him to behave honorably.
• Tell him, “God is watching you. Now is your chance to redeem yourself in His eyes by leaving peacefully.” Some criminals, believe it or not, are very religious.
• Ask him, “Is this really necessary?” Strangely enough, there have been times when this simple question stopped a criminal dead in his tracks as he pondered it.
• Pretend friends are about to arrive or are waiting for you nearby. He doesn't want witnesses.
• Look at an escape route and yell, “Officer! Officer!” Then run toward your imaginary rescuer. Criminals usually look around before pouncing but are quick to believe a cop suddenly arrived.
• Pretend the police have already been called and are about to arrive, “Oh, you’re the guy they called the cops for! They’re looking all over for you! You’d better run!”
• Claim to be a witch and threaten to cast a spell on him. Many people are superstitious and gullible.
• Fake insanity, an epileptic seizure, heart attack, asthma attack, or pretend to faint.
• Sometimes, a thunderous command to “STOP!” – as a parent to a child – will dissuade him.
• Lull him into dropping his guard – to precede your sudden switch to fighting and/or fleeing.
• Act like you’re a raging maniac, howling loon, or barking madwoman. This is a powerful tactic fully explained in Animal Role-Modeling and Psycho Psyching in Optimal Mindset.

Ashley Smith said armed fugitive [Atlanta courthouse killer] Brian Nichols took her hostage in the parking lot of her apartment when she returned from a store. "He said, 'I'm not going to hurt you if you just do what I say,"' she said. Nichols tied her up with masking tape, a curtain and extension cord. ... But as the night wore on, she tried to win Nichols' trust by telling him about her life. "I knew if I made him feel comfortable then I could get things the way I wanted them and not the way he wanted them," Smith said. ... He eventually untied her, and some of the fear lessened as they talked. Nichols told Smith he felt like "he was already dead," but Smith urged him to consider the fact that he was still alive a "miracle." "You're here in my apartment for some reason," she told him, saying he might be destined to be caught and to spread the word of God to fellow prisoners. She also read the bible to Nichols. He finally let Smith go.
Excerpted from a CBS/AP report – 14 March 2005 [See The Lie You Want to Believe in Kidnap Survival.]

The home invader told the victim he'd kill her unless she looked away. She told him her grandson would be returning soon, but the man told her "Well, I'll kill both of you.” ... She knew from watching crime shows on television that she should try to befriend him. After the man blindfolded her, she told him they should "stick together" because they're both poor. She then led the robber to her purse in the kitchen and offered him beer. ... "Sgt. Chuck Lesaltato said she apparently did the right thing by talking to the robber, but that depends on each individual case. "It's one of those things where the victim has to identify whether it's working or not. If the perpetrator becomes more violent, obviously it's not working and the victim needs to rethink what she's doing."
Excerpted from The Sarasota Herald Tribune – 03 October 2003

VICTIM'S OUTSMARTING NO-NO'S
Victims should avoid the following (unless you use them as a ploy or to set him up for a Sucker Punch):
• Do not try to reason with a criminal – his values are very different than yours.
• Do not beg nor show fear – it emboldens him and tempts him to abuse his newfound power.
• Do not insult his dignity. That will certainly provoke him.
• Do not believe his promises. Never trust him. After all, a criminal survives by lying.

In all, victims must guard against the pitfall of mirror imaging: wherein a victim projects her values onto a predator without realizing how evil his mind-set is. We tend to see and hear what we want to see and hear – hoping for the best while trusting a deceptive predator. Instead, outsmart him!

I ran a gym surrounded by drug dealers, prostitutes, and thugs in the meatpacking district of Manhattan’s far west Greenwich Village in the mid-1990s. The members, typically vibrant New York artists and professionals from around the world, were buzzed-in the locked door as they arrived. I supervised their fitness and rehab exercise and taught one-on-one street fighting – they loved gaining the savvy as much as the bragging rights. ... One day as a member entered, a thug tailgated in behind him and immediately began brazenly snooping and darting about looking for loot. I slipped a monkey wrench into my back pocket and casually went to greet him. ... I played dumb and, assuming the thug was armed, welcomed him as though he was a prospective member even as he rummaged for plunder. I ended my quick pitch with, "You’ll like this gym as long as you don't mind working out with all those loudmouthed off-duty cops." Nodding toward the macho young lawyers and stockbrokers braying and pumping in the exercise area, I sneered, “Just listen to them!” Taken aback, the thug muttered a curse and abruptly left empty-handed. No cops were there, but the thug believed my bluff.

I’d opted first for outsmarting. But, had the thug started to pull out a weapon (which he probably had – otherwise he wouldn’t have been so bold), I was ready to either Surrender or, if I beat him to the draw, Fight – by bashing him with my monkey wrench.

APPLIED PSYCHOLINGUISTICS
Dr. Suzette Haden Elgin, author of “The Gentle Art of Verbal Self-Defense,” writes that attackers are aroused by seeing a victim's fear and hearing her plead for mercy. If the victim shows no emotion and doesn’t appear frightened or arrogant, the victim will dampen their arousal. The victim should keep the tension as low as possible to keep him from getting excited.

She advises that the victim try to get the attacker involved in an abstract discussion. The longer the victim can keep him talking, the better the chance he won’t attack at all.

WOMAN ATTACKED DURING JOG
“It’s hard to think that something like this would happen in that neighborhood,” said police. It had been a habit of the victim to go for a morning jog in the area for many years. “He’s watched her for quite awhile to know where she was going next,” police said. “She has had a routine for several years.” ... The victim was out for a run when Bradley Scott Sneed tackled her from behind, dragged her down a bank, into a ditch, and under a fence. He told her repeatedly that he was going to rape her. ... “At first she was screaming, but he became more violent,” police said. “Then she began talking to him, talking him down, wanting to know what he wanted, what she could do. She talked him out of the rape. He even admitted to us that’s the only reason he didn’t rape her.”
Excerpted from The Valley Beautiful Beacon (TN) – 19 June 2008

The FBI suggests that talking is probably the most effective and promising way to defuse a violent situation. Tell the rapist that perhaps you could go for a beer first. This is not as stupid as it sounds. Any kind of unanticipated reaction can stall the rapist and give the victim time to set the stage for an escape. ... Focus on personalizing yourself in the assailant's perception: "I am a total stranger. Why do you want to hurt me? I've never done anything to hurt you. ... Keep the dialogue in the present tense – predators rarely think too far in the future. Do not use lines like, "You will end up in jail if you do this," for you might remind the assailant of the necessity of killing you as a potential witness. Above all, do not use the popular feminist appeal, "What if I were your mother, sister, or daughter? The assailant might be precisely fantasizing that he is raping and killing his mother, sister, or daughter when he is attacking you. Such statements as "I have VD" or "I am pregnant" should also be avoided, as they may reinforce the assailant's fantasy that you are somehow "bad" and deserving of rape and death. ... There are numerous accounts of serial killers who somehow sympathized with their victims upon learning something personal about them. When the assailant is in the heat of his attack, such dissuasive dialogue, however, generally will not work."
Excerpted from "Serial Killers" by Peter Vronsky – Berkley 2004

SMOOTH TALKING and FOUL MOUTHING
The diplomatic approach for a victim to defuse a confrontation is to avoid arguing or humiliating him and show him the respect he pathetically craves. The victim should speak simply, remain calm and use soothing words and tone of voice. The victim should listen to him and repeat his statements to show he's been heard, then redirect the conversation.

However, a more assertive approach may be needed. Al Marrewa wrote in “The Feminine Warrior” that a woman is too docile when she softens a command statement by putting it in question form or apologizing, such as, “I’m sorry, would you mind stopping that?" Instead you must be direct, be blunt, demand, and never apologize. Match your tone-of-voice and volume to suit the situation with the short, to-the-point command, “Stop!” Don’t justify yourself, don’t leave room for bargaining, and don’t answer his questions. Act tough and show no fear.

The extreme is fierce talk. Hissing, snarling, cursing, and bellowing profanities is the only language some criminals understand – best used with a ferocious attack. See Optimal Mindset.

TOUGH TALKING
Talking and acting tough (blustering) is a "street" strategy to scare others into obeying (or keeping their distance). It ranges from subtle posturing, scowling, and sullen speech to blatant swaggering and vile threats, such as, “I’ll rip off your arm and hit you with the bloody end,” or “I’ve got pieces of punks like you in my turds.” Such “street talk" is often a sporting contest of thugs trying to top one another's creative threats (“woofin’”) and disrespect ("dissin'").

Though it sometimes escalates to actual violence, such tough talk is often intended as a bluff to avoid the need for violence (see Posturing). A true intention to hurt someone doesn’t require a warning – and may spoil a surprise attack.

Predators fluent in blustery talk often seek victims who appear easily intimidated. The victim's best response is either tough talk as well – or calmly ignoring it while quickly leaving as gracefully as possible. (You may also feign harmless cowering as a prelude to preemptively surprise-attacking him before Fleeing.)

"If she wasn't able to change serial killer Danny Rolling's mindset, Janet Frake would be dead right now," says a police detective. Rolling -- having slipped in through a window -- attacked her with a knife. Wearing gloves and a ski mask, Rolling bound and gagged her with tape. ... "I've read there is no right way to deal with rape, that you can take self-defense classes and try to defend yourself, or you can try to be smarter. Well, there was no way I was going to beat this guy. I was tied up and he had locked all the doors. So I decided to stay as calm as I could." ... She said she had some cold beer in the refrigerator, and would he like to take a break? "And it was weird," Frake says. "He went from one of the meanest, scariest, most violent monsters you could ever imagine to being really calm and relaxed." ... When he asked if he could remove his ski mask, she told him no, keep it on, she didn't want to see his face (fearing he would kill her). Rolling told her about his miserable childhood, and Frake pretended to commiserate by sharing bogus tales of her own past. "I lied outrageously," she recalls. "I should've gotten an Oscar that night." ... Hours later, she suggested it was time for Rolling to leave. Then Danny Rolling vanished into the night forever.
Excerpted from The Sarasota Herald-Tribune – 25 October 2006

Angela, a college coed, was walking near her campus when confronted by a young man. With one hand in a jacket pocket, he said, “I have a gun. Come with me and you won’t get hurt.” He wanted to go to a park further away from campus. He said nothing about rape, but she assumed it was his intent. ... She also assumed that he truly had a gun. Even so, she didn’t realize she could have simply run away with scant chance of him shooting her with witnesses all around. Nonetheless, she hit upon a sly strategy. ... Thinking quickly, Angela calmly said, “Oh, let’s go to my dorm room instead. It’ll be much more comfortable.” Surprisingly, he agreed. Walking along, she kept him distracted with friendly chatter. Approaching her dormitory building, she saw other students coming and going. Leaving him flatfooted and speechless, Angela suddenly darted screaming through the door, slammed it shut, and braced against it. He fled.

Serial rapist Troy Graves attacked a 28-year-old woman in her apartment. Slipping through the security bars that were supposed to block an open window, he fondled her, but never raped her, mainly because she engaged him in a long conversation. "Once she connected with him as a person, he couldn't continue," said the police. (Graves murdered one of his other victims). The woman told Graves that she might have AIDS. "I asked him so many questions, mainly to keep him focused mentally, not physically. I told him I have AIDS and he could die from this," she said.
Excerpted from The Philadelphia Inquirer – 02 June 2002

A burglar crept into a woman’s bedroom window, woke her, and told her he was going to rape her. She told him she’d love to have sex and asked him to get some beer from the kitchen so they could make a party of it. While he went to the kitchen, she escaped through the window he'd burgled.

VICTIM'S OUTSMARTING STRATEGIES - RAPE SPECIFIC
• Pretend to welcome the assailant and invite him to a place of your choice (that provides an escape).
• Act repulsively, urinate, pick your nose, drool, or pretend to be sick by gagging and/or vomiting.
• Lull him into dropping his guard – to precede your sudden switch to Fighting and/or Fleeing.
• Act insane. See this very effective strategy for victims in Pyscho Psyching of Optimal Mindset.

Dr. Pauline Bart, studying victim's rape prevention strategies at the University of Illinois, found that the more strategies a victim uses, the more likely she is to escape with minimal injuries. If outsmarting or faking surrender fails, be ready to execute fight or flight of The Five Victim's Options:
• Victim’s Options - Overview of the Five Victim's Options:
• 1st Option - Posturing: presenting yourself as a tough target (predators prefer easy prey). If that doesn’t work:
• 2nd Option - Fleeing, the most obvious choice, might not be possible. If not:
• 3rd Option - Outsmarting (YOU’RE NOW ON THIS PAGE): by verbally defusing a confrontation and maneuvering toward escape. If that doesn’t work:
• 4th Option - Surrendering and hoping for the best; or preferably as a prelude to an escape, perhaps aided by:
• 5th Option - Fighting like a mad dog to enable your escape. Stun & run.
• Recap of Victim’s Options.

Also see Rape Escape Options - Overview for more thorough rape prevention.

It’s impossible to fully anticipate the panicky chaos of a sudden threat forcing you to choose among a victim's options in a split-second. Nonetheless, understanding your options now will help your Intuition choose an option then.

Enhancing Your Options
Pepper Spray & a Noisemaker visibly ready will greatly enhance your first option – Posturing as a tough target – and probably deter a predator immediately. Your fifth option – Fighting – is enhanced as well.

KRAV MAGA, a practical self-defense system used by many police forces worldwide, teaches you to defend yourself, enhances your survival instinct, and can be applied under extreme stress. It's not flashy, just very effective. I highly recommend it. The Krav Maga TV - Online Training videos are especially convenient to learn at home when your schedule allows or if you don't live near a training center.

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