How To Stop Bullying In School
FAQ

Learn how to stop bullying in school, and what every parent should know about the effects of bullying.

"Kids who are repeatedly bullied can have long-term problems with self-esteem, depression and insecurity; they may become socially isolated, even into adulthood," said child psychologist Robin D'Antona. ... Bullying can be direct (hitting, shoving, taunting, making obscene gestures) or indirect (social exclusion, rumors, cyber bullying). ... "It's the popular kids who are more likely to bully. Girl bullies are more likely to use gossip and social manipulation, while males are more likely to use physical tactics," said D'Antona. ... If parents have a child who's bullied, they should collect the facts and then tell the school. A good school will help protect the child.
Excerpted from The Dover-Sherborn Press (MA) – 01 April 2004

It’s hard to stop bullying when victims often feel cowardly if they report it (as well as risk further harm to their social status). Watch for the effects of bullying with these potential warning signs:

• Unusual, small injuries
• Anxiety, sadness, or low self-esteem
• Loss of appetite or trouble sleeping
• Uneasiness toward school or group activities
• Unusual decrease in academic performance

The effects of bullying are similar to the warning signs of molestation described at Child Safety - Safeguarding.

By the way, cyber bullying (via Internet or phone texting) gives you solid evidence to prove your case to school authorities.

Three Expert’s Opinions

School psychologist and psychotherapist Israel C. “Izzy” Kalman believes that the school’s anti-bullying education makes it more difficult to stop bullying. The school tells kids to report it, the school punishes the bully, and then the bully dislikes the victim even more. Instead, Kalman believes in taking the pleasure out of bullying for the bully.

Izzy Kalman offers these tips to kids to stop bullying:
• Be nice to bullies, and before long they’ll quit. This is the Golden Rule solution to bullying.
• Don’t report kids who bully you. They will dislike you even more. Instead, talk to them directly and they will respect you. Tell an adult only if there is an emergency, or if you want advice on how to handle the problem.
• Don’t get angry when kids insult you. They love that. Show it doesn’t bother you. After a while, they’ll stop.

See his website at Bullies2Buddies.com.

This may succeed with a single, rather mild bully. A meaner bully, or a group of bullies, may be more difficult. So sure, try the Golden Rule solution first. If it succeeds, great! If it doesn’t, go instead with the following:

Barbara Coloroso, author of “The Bully, the Bullied, and the Bystander” offers these tips to stop bullying:

DO:
• “I hear you; I am here for you; I believe you; you are not alone in this.”
• “It is not your fault.”
• “There are things you can do.”
• Report the bullying to school personnel

DON’T:
• Don’t minimize, rationalize, or explain away the bully’s behavior.
• Don’t solve the problem for your child.
• Don’t tell your child to avoid the bully.
• Don’t tell your child to fight back.
• Don’t confront the bully or the bully’s parents alone.

See her website at KidsAreWorthIt.com. Also see Bullying Prevention at Newsletter #24 - 23 December 2008.

[The comments of experts 1 & 2 are adapted from The Costco Connection – August 2009]

“A child should know that it's OK to tell adults, especially if there's a threat of violence,” says David Vickery, Ph.D. “If a child tells a teacher, that teacher should protect the confidentiality and never disclose the child's name. If he finds out, the bully's reaction is, "You told on me." So, the bullying doesn't stop. In fact, it may intensify. ... The child may tell her parents she is being bullied, but never go to the parents of the bully and spill the beans. The bully's parent may feel her child is being picked on and is more likely to not believe what she's hearing. The defense mechanism comes into play, and the mom or dad will stick up for their child over the bearer of ‘bad’ news.”
Excerpted from The Jackson Sun (FL) – 25 July 2006

Remember, too, that a bully is usually a serial-bully with more than just one victim. Most anti-social misfits are serial offenders (such as the typical criminal) – and many bullies grow up to become adult criminals. An especially cruel young bully may well be a budding psychopath. See Criminal Minds - Predatory Mind for illuminating insights.

Early intervention by school authorities might help straighten out a young bully – and spare his/her future victims. At the least, it’ll likely cause him/her to stop bullying your child now. If it ever escalates to physical violence, call the police immediately.

RESOURCES

Related Pages:
Cyber Bullying | School Violence Prevention | Stranger Danger vs Stranger Safety | Child Safety – Outdoors | Free-Range Kids vs Myth Busters | GPS Child Locator | Child Safety - Kidnap Escape | Child Safety - Safeguarding | Child Safety - Recap

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