Women's Safety:
Stalking Overview

The growing number of stalkings threatens Women's Safety. You'll learn the stalker warning signs, when to get a protection order, and how to stop a stalker.

Thousands of stalking cases are far more bizarre and scary than most normal people can imagine. Stalkers go to outrageous extremes to connect with the object of their obsession yet may appear perfectly normal. Sometimes women are slow to realize they're being stalked because the elaborate methods are so subtle – in the beginning.

For instance, a young woman didn’t know that a classmate had a demented crush on her. He’d traced her boyfriend’s address and bludgeoned him to death. Not a suspect in the murder, he even drove her to her boyfriend’s funeral. ... Despite his further romantic efforts, she eventually found another boyfriend. Her stalker then traced him, too, and set fire to his house as well as his relative's. This time he was arrested and the whole story came out.

A man was charged with stalking for attaching a cell phone and global positioning system to his ex-girlfriend's car to track her whereabouts. Police said Ara Gabrielyan used the satellite tracking system to follow the woman and meet her unexpectedly at a bookstore, an airport, a cemetery and dozens of other places after she ended their relationship. The woman finally learned how he was following her when she discovered him under her car attempting to change the cell phone's battery.
Excerpted from The Sacramento Bee – 04 September 2004

Many websites sell newer spyware that is superior to Ara Gabrielyan’s tools – and without needing access to your car. It can monitor and record your cell phone calls, track all names and numbers in your phone book, know exactly where your phone is right now (with satellite photos), and know exactly where your phone has been lately (tracked by computer on detailed maps). Government spies worldwide use these tools, and so can a moderately tech-savvy stalker who just might happen to target you. If ever you notice strangely "coincidental" meetings with an ex-partner or someone who might be overly attracted to you, or if your intuition senses that you’re being watched or followed, contact police detectives. A stalker may be anyone imaginable (an ex, acquaintance, or complete stranger).

WHAT IS STALKING?

At an estimated rate of 1.4 million cases each year, stalking behavior may include phone calls, letters, gifts, snooping around the woman’s private life, tailing, threatening or endangering, and vandalizing or stealing. Stalkers may vacillate between sending a dead rat one day and flowers the next. The women victims, police, and courts are usually baffled in stopping stalkers because oftentimes no laws are broken or are difficult to enforce.

Stalking begins when a romance fizzles out for one lover and the other won’t let go, or a deluded wanna-be lover won’t let go of an imagined romance. The sore loser begins futile tactics that only further alienate the target, or seeks revenge for being rejected. Typically, if the harassment continues for more than two weeks, it will get worse over time.

A growing number of people are becoming victims of the new crime of cyberstalking. Upward of 100 new cases are reported each week of someone using the Internet to intimidate another person. Internet groups recommend using a free e-mail account in chat rooms and a private address for friends. ... The crime can be committed by anyone who lets an obsession take over part of his or her life. Surprisingly, it's often doctors or lawyers. Only a handful persist after being contacted by authorities.
Excerpted from The Christian Science Monitor – 03 September 2002

A woman finally moved to another city to escape a stalker and covered her tracks to avoid being traced. But soon her stalker found her town and was still trying to find her exact address when he took a job delivering pizza. They were both shocked speechless when the woman opened her door for the pizza she’d ordered.

STALKER PROFILE

KILLER'S EX-GIRLFRIEND TELLS OF OWN STALKING
It could have been me. That's the first thing Marjorie Wolfe thought when she heard Jeffrey Calvert shot and killed his ex-girlfriend, Christin Stock, and then himself. ... Wolfe still remembers Calvert's kind face when they met in 1992. Three years later, Calvert was convicted of stalking her. In the three months he was jailed, Wolfe sold her home, changed her name and moved out of state, fleeing Calvert. Still, word of Calvert's crime shocked Wolfe. ... In hindsight, Wolfe says Calvert was emotionally abusive early in the relationship. "He was very controlling," said Wolfe. "I was always in trouble or afraid of making him mad." When Wolfe ended the relationship in 1994, she said Calvert became physically violent for the first time, pushing her against a wall as she tried to make him leave her home. ... Karen Burke, director of Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault Services of Whatcom County, said, "We often ask women why they don't leave," Burke said. "The reality is that that's the time they're in the most danger. That's the time the abuser knows they're losing control and ups the tactics they use to control." ... "Through all of that, I didn't even think of stalking," Wolfe said. "I thought of stalking as happening to somebody else, I guess. If you're in the middle of it, you can't see. That's the frightening thing. You don't realize how serious it is when a person is emotionally out of control."
Excerpted from The Bellingham Herald (WA) – 19 March 2008

Stalkers may be men or women, hetero- or homosexual, a stranger, Internet chat mate, faint acquaintance, classmate, coworker, neighbor, friend, or most commonly, a former intimate partner.

A stalker may pursue anyone imaginable, such as his employer, minor or major celebrities, or even his psychotherapist. A physician in Wichita KS was convicted of stalking 17 of his women patients. While every situation is different, (and to replace clunky clinical terms) I've created new terms: “Romantic Fantasy” and “Ex-Partner” (and added "Grudge" and "Sporting" stalkers.)

“Romantic Fantasy” stalkers comprise roughly 25 percent of all stalkers. They target a friend, an acquaintance or a complete stranger - usually women. These stalkers have "psychological disorders” and truly believe their fantasies. Early on, the stalking may resemble normal romantic attention until it persists after the woman clearly rejects him, whereupon the stalker may threaten or become violent – usually damaging property, but may harm or kill the woman.

“Ex-Partner” stalkers comprise roughly 75 percent of all stalkers. They target a former or current romantic partner (usually a woman who’s just begun trying to end the relationship). While extremely jealous and insecure, they may or may not have “psychological disorders” but do have serious “personality disorders” and are potentially dangerous.

[Incidentally, "Grudge" stalkers, seeking revenge for reasons real or imagined (not romantic), usually vandalize or harass their victims but may escalate to violence. "Sporting" stalkers seek pleasure in controlling their victims through fear, usually without harming them. Neither of these are tracked statistically as such and are not the focus of this page.]

Learn the Stalker Warning Signs

Should you get a Protection Order?

Learn how to Stop a Stalker

WOMEN'S PERSONAL SAFETY RESOURCES

KRAV MAGA, a practical self-defense system used by many police forces worldwide, teaches you to defend yourself, enhances your survival instinct, and can be applied under extreme stress. It's not flashy, just very effective. I highly recommend it. The Krav Maga TV - Online Training videos are especially convenient to learn at home when your schedule allows or if you don't live near a training center.

Find Pepper Spray and other tools: Security Products - Personal Devices.

Contacts
• Domestic Abused Women's Network (DAWN) www.dawnonline.org
• National Coalition Against Domestic Violence www.ncadv.org
• RAINN (Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network) www.rainn.org

Background Checks
Find out if someone was ever in a U.S. federal prison (assuming he’s using his real name) or a state prison for a sex crime at www.fbi.gov. Or see www.CriminalSearches.com website (no fee). It also shows a map with names of anyone arrested in a specific neighborhood, and sends you e-mail alerts when someone in your life is arrested or someone with a criminal record moves in nearby. ... However, the above sources are often incomplete, and there’s no way to distinguish between people with the same name if you don’t know their birthdays (and even that date is often missing). Nevertheless, women can always hire a private detective – a simple background check usually costs $50-100.

Safety Tips for Women

For overall rape prevention strategies – both acquaintance and stranger – see Rape Escape Options - Overview and especially Rape Escape Options - Ultimate Rape Prevention.

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