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Child Safety Tips:
Safeguarding Children
from Molesters

One of the many aspects of Child Safety is safeguarding your children from clever molesters.

SEXUAL INNOCENCE and CURIOSITY
"Give me a kid who knows nothing about sex, and you've given me my next victim," said one child molester to a prison counselor. Pedophiles count on a child's sexual ignorance and curiosity.

Afraid to “burst the bubble” of their child’s innocence, most parents don’t fully discuss child safety sex crimes with their children, though kids more easily accept these harsh realities than parents do. The safest children are those able to confide in their parents and openly discuss sexual matters without fear of reproach.

Allow – in fact, encourage – a child to say “NO” to unwanted affection from anyone. Don’t force children to kiss anyone if they’d rather not – or to be hugged, touched, or tickled by anyone against their will. A firm but respectful “NO” is not rude. For child safety, empower children to control what happens to them in so personal a way.

Teach your child that bad touch is being touched anywhere that a bathing suit would cover, or touching anyone else there. Their response should be, “Stop or I’ll tell.” and to always tell you of any incident anyway.

Always believe your children, even if it concerns a trusted friend or relative. Too many kids endure long-term molestation because they thought they would "get in trouble" for resisting or telling you.

Stay attuned to what your child may be trying to tell you while hesitant, troubled, or otherwise reluctant. Show no emotion if a child tells you of molestation. Even a wild, fantastical tale may be a veiled revelation of something very troubling. Welcome open communication to encourage immediate reporting. For child safety, believe your child!

Watch for early warning signs. Look for unusual behavior or abrupt changes such as alienation, anxiety, depression, seemingly irrational fear of anyone, tantrums, sleep disturbances and bedwetting, sudden sexual interests, digestive problems, and difficulty walking or sitting.

Ask gently probing questions. Thoroughly investigate any suspicions. Try to find a balance between wild-eyed paranoia and blind denial of reality. For child safety guidance, contact the experts at ChildHelp.org.

CHILD SAFETY TIPS - SLEEPOVERS

A 38-year-old father is accused of sexually assaulting one of his daughter's friends during a sleepover. The Crimetracker 3 team talked with Metro's Crime Prevention unit to find out how to make sleepovers safe. ... Know the parents of your kid's friends. If you don't know them – don't let your kids sleep over. Tell your kids they can come home for any reason at any time during the night if they feel uncomfortable, scared or just can't sleep. Let them know you are willing to pick them up – and let the other parents know about that arrangement. Talking with them when you drop off your child lets them know you are on your guard. The next day talk with your kids about what happened at the sleepover.
Excerpted from KVBC-TV3 Las Vegas – 05 February 2004

Investigators found the body of 11-year-old Carlie Brucia - last seen leaving a friend's home after a sleepover, headed for her home about a mile away. Her friend's mother said Carlie wanted to walk home and said she had permission from her mother. A few minutes after the girl left, she called Carlie's house to check, and found out the girl didn't have permission...
Excerpted from The Sarasota Herald-Tribune – 07 February 2004

What about child safety in the home where your child is to spend the night – or visit from time to time? Are all family members and guests nonviolent? Are drugs or alcohol abused or kept around unlocked? Are there any dangerous pets? Do they have smoke alarms, online child filtering software, keep firearms fully secured, and observe the safety precautions of Home Security? If you don’t know, find out. Also know all the details of any excursion your child will go on. Safeguard all aspects of your child's life.

Doris Mahlum (a parole administrator for convicted child molesters) said that parents should beware of anyone who is frequently spending time alone with their child. She advised parents to begin questioning their child. "Say 'Tell me how your day went'; if they went to the movies say, 'Tell me what happened there and what about after the movies?'" Mahlum said. "What you have to look for is evasive answers and behavior. If they are uncomfortable, look a little deeper into the relationship."
Excerpted from The North County Times (CA) – 01 May 2005

Safety Tips for Kids
BABYSITTERS and NANNIES

Babysitting agencies rarely screen sitters fully for criminal histories, and being “bonded” is merely a form of monetary insurance that does nothing to protect your child.

Begin searching for a babysitter by asking family, friends, neighbors, at your church and local high schools. But merely hearing that a babysitter is good isn't good enough.

Interview extensively and check out references from past employers and teachers. Have your child at the interview to see if your child likes the sitter. For child safety guidance, contact Safe Sitter at www.safesitter.org or 800-255-4089 or the American Red Cross at www.RedCross.org. Perhaps send a neighbor girl for their Babysitter’s Training Course.

Have the babysitter arrive a half-hour early to review your written ground rules such as: keeping all outside doors locked, no guests, no leaving, screening the phone answering machine, watching the children carefully, and all the Home Security precautions. (Also see Guidelines for Your Children’s (and Babysitter’s) Home Alone Behavior described in Molesters.) Leave written contact information to reach you (as well as emergency contact information described in A Parent’s Checklist – Indoors at Recap).

Child safety means taking the babysitter through your home to make sure all doors and windows are locked and that she knows where the phone, emergency information, and first-aid supplies are located. With babysitter and children present, discuss the rules for television, telephone, computer, playing outdoors (where and with whom), eating and sleeping schedules. Even then, ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your house when entrusted to a babysitter.

The sitter should never tell callers that she’s alone with the kids. In fact, it’s better for her to monitor the phone answering machine and pick up only if it’s you or someone you’ve approved.

Child safety means that any outdoor outing must be with your prior OK, and then the sitter must follow the guidelines described in Parent's Checklist - Outdoors at Child - Outdoor Safety.

Upon returning home, ask the sitter what happened while you were away. Make sure the sitter gets home safely. Ask your children later if anything unusual happened or made them feel uncomfortable. Were there any telephone calls or visitors?

[On the flipside: to protect your child when he/she is the babysitter (or in any situation) have a clever codeword ready to alert you to danger. See Newsletter #14 – 22 July 2008 > Letter-to-the-Editor > Codeword for Parent-Child Communication.]

DAYCARE CENTERS and HOME-BASED BABYSITTERS
Has all the daycare center staff (or all visitors to your babysitter’s home) been screened for criminal histories? Do they have strict access control at all times (locked doors and visitor screening)? Do they welcome a parent's surprise visit at any time? Is it properly licensed and regulated by the government? Who is allowed to assist children in the lavatory? Do the stalls have half-doors to give a child some space yet still allow an adult to supervise? Are any employees, drivers, cleaners, or visitors allowed solitary access to a child – especially during naptime? Do they comply with the legal staff/child ratio when you visit unexpectedly? Exactly how do they discipline children? Begin the process of finding out about their child safety policies by contacting www.ChildCareAware.org.

Always carefully monitor your child’s feelings toward a babysitter, daycare center, school, youth group or program – and make sure they use the “U.S. Department of Justice Guidelines for the Screening of Persons Working with Children” by project director Noy S. Davis, Esq. April 1998.

Background Checks for child safety
Find out if someone was ever in a U.S. federal prison (assuming he’s using his real name) or a state prison for a sex crime at www.fbi.gov. Or see www.CriminalSearches.com website (no fee). It also shows a map with names of anyone arrested in a specific neighborhood, and sends you e-mail alerts when someone in your life is arrested or someone with a criminal record moves in nearby. ... However, the above sources are often incomplete, and there’s no way to distinguish between people with the same name if you don’t know their birthdays (and even that date is often missing). Nevertheless, you can always hire a private detective – a simple background check usually costs $50-100.

Personal Safety Devices

Help protect your child from kidnappers and molesters by using:
• Child Alarms at www.guarddog.net alert you if your child wanders away beyond 30 feet. A variety of models are available. I highly recommend these if used with the utmost parental discretion.
• Alarms (a.k.a. noisemakers). An attacker won’t likely chase a noisy target. See www.guarddog.net.
• For complete child safety, follow the guidance thoughout Crime-Safety-Security.com, especially Home Security.