Child Safety
Safeguarding Children -
Molesters and Bullies

Child Safety includes safeguarding your children from molesters as well as bullies.

Afraid to “burst the bubble” of their child’s innocence, most parents don’t fully discuss child safety sex crimes with their children, though kids more easily accept these harsh realities than parents do. The safest children are those able to confide in their parents and openly discuss sexual matters without fear of reproach.

Allow – in fact, encourage – a child to say “NO” to unwanted affection from anyone. Don’t force children to kiss anyone if they’d rather not – or to be hugged, touched, or tickled by anyone against their will. A firm but respectful “NO” is not rude. For child safety, empower children to control what happens to them in so personal a way.

Teach your child that bad touch is being touched anywhere that a bathing suit would cover, or touching anyone else there. Their response should be, “Stop or I’ll tell.” and to always tell you of any incident anyway.

Always believe your children, even if it concerns a trusted friend or relative. Too many kids endure long-term molestation because they thought they would "get in trouble" for resisting or telling you.

Stay attuned to what your child may be trying to tell you while hesitant, troubled, or otherwise reluctant. Show no emotion if a child tells you of molestation. Even a wild, fantastical tale may be a veiled revelation of something very troubling. Welcome open communication to encourage immediate reporting. For child safety, believe your child!

Watch for early warning signs. Look for unusual behavior or abrupt changes such as alienation, anxiety, depression, seemingly irrational fear of anyone, tantrums, sleep disturbances and bedwetting, sudden sexual interests, digestive problems, and difficulty walking or sitting.

Ask gently probing questions. Thoroughly investigate any suspicions. Try to find a balance between wild-eyed paranoia and blind denial of reality. For child safety guidance, call the experts at Child Abuse Hotline at 800-422-4453.

A 38-year-old father is accused of sexually assaulting one of his daughter's friends during a sleepover. The Crimetracker 3 team talked with Metro's Crime Prevention unit to find out how to make sleepovers safe. ... Know the parents of your kid's friends. If you don't know them – don't let your kids sleep over. Tell your kids they can come home for any reason at any time during the night if they feel uncomfortable, scared or just can't sleep. Let them know you are willing to pick them up – and let the other parents know about that arrangement. Talking with them when you drop off your child lets them know you are on your guard. The next day talk with your kids about what happened at the sleepover.
Excerpted from KVBC-TV3 Las Vegas – 05 February 2004

Investigators found the body of 11-year-old Carlie Brucia - last seen leaving a friend's home after a sleepover, headed for her home about a mile away. Her friend's mother said Carlie wanted to walk home and said she had permission from her mother. A few minutes after the girl left, she called Carlie's house to check, and found out the girl didn't have permission...
Excerpted from The Sarasota Herald-Tribune – 07 February 2004

What about child safety in the home where your child is to spend the night – or visit from time to time? Are all family members and guests nonviolent? Are drugs or alcohol abused or kept around unlocked? Are there any dangerous pets? Do they have smoke alarms, online child filtering software, keep firearms fully secured, and observe the safety precautions of Home Security? If you don’t know, find out. Also know all the details of any excursion your child will go on. Safeguard all aspects of your child's life.

Doris Mahlum (a parole administrator for convicted child molesters) said that parents should beware of anyone who is frequently spending time alone with their child. She advised parents to begin questioning their child. "Say 'Tell me how your day went'; if they went to the movies say, 'Tell me what happened there and what about after the movies?'" Mahlum said. "What you have to look for is evasive answers and behavior. If they are uncomfortable, look a little deeper into the relationship."
Excerpted from The North County Times (CA) – 01 May 2005

Begin searching for a babysitter by asking family, friends, neighbors, at your church and local high schools. But merely hearing that a babysitter is good isn't good enough.

Interview extensively and check out references from past employers and teachers. Have your child at the interview to see if your child likes the sitter. For child safety guidance, contact Safe Sitter at www.safesitter.org or 800-255-4089 or the American Red Cross at www.RedCross.org. Perhaps send a neighbor girl for their Babysitter’s Training Course.

Have the babysitter arrive a half-hour early to review your written ground rules such as: keeping all outside doors locked, no guests, no leaving, screening the phone answering machine, watching the children carefully, and all the Home Security precautions. (Also see Guidelines for Your Children’s (and Babysitter’s) Home Alone Behavior described in Molesters.) Leave written contact information to reach you (as well as emergency contact information described in A Parent’s Checklist – Indoors at Recap).

Child safety means taking the babysitter through your home to make sure all doors and windows are locked and that she knows where the phone, emergency information, and first-aid supplies are located. With babysitter and children present, discuss the rules for television, telephone, computer, playing outdoors (where and with whom), eating and sleeping schedules. Even then, ask a neighbor to keep an eye on your house when entrusted to a babysitter.

The sitter should never tell callers that she’s alone with the kids. In fact, it’s better for her to monitor the phone answering machine and pick up only if it’s you or someone you’ve approved.

Child safety means that any outdoor outing must be with your prior OK, and then the sitter must follow the guidelines described in Parent's Checklist - Outdoors at Child - Outdoor Safety.

Upon returning home, ask the sitter what happened while you were away. Make sure the sitter gets home safely. Ask your children later if anything unusual happened or made them feel uncomfortable. Were there any telephone calls or visitors?

[On the flipside: to protect your child when he/she is the babysitter (or in any situation) have a clever codeword ready to alert you to danger. See Newsletter #14 – 22 July 2008 > Letter-to-the-Editor > Codeword for Parent-Child Communication.]

Always carefully monitor your child’s feelings toward a babysitter, daycare center, school, youth group or program – and make sure they use the “U.S. Department of Justice Guidelines for the Screening of Persons Working with Children” by project director Noy S. Davis, Esq. April 1998.

Background Checks for child safety
Find out if someone was ever in a U.S. federal prison (assuming he’s using his real name) by calling 202-307-3126; or a state prison for a sex crime at www.fbi.gov. Or see www.CriminalSearches.com website (no fee). It also shows a map with names of anyone arrested in a specific neighborhood, and sends you e-mail alerts when someone in your life is arrested or someone with a criminal record moves in nearby. ... However, the above sources are often incomplete, and there’s no way to distinguish between people with the same name if you don’t know their birthdays (and even that date is often missing). Nevertheless, you can always hire a private detective – a simple background check usually costs $50-100.

You and your children should pay close attention to the behavior of their acquaintances. In "Protecting The Gift,” security expert Gavin de Becker listed the following pre-incident indicators of violence by schoolboys: alcohol and drug abuse; access to guns; addiction to media products; aimlessness; fascination with violence and weapons; chronically sullen, angry, depressed; seeking status through bravado about violence; threats of violence (or suicide); rejection, humiliation; and media provocation (“copycatting” violent news headlines).

FBI expert John Douglas, co-author of “The Anatomy of Motive” wrote, “Remember, the same triggers apply for poorly adjusted kids as for poorly adjusted adults, including the precipitating stressors, such as relationship problems, problems at home or the work environment (in their case, school). And those in authority – parents, teachers, and school psychologists – should be looking for many of the same red flags, such as obsession with firearms, isolation in social situations, seemingly idle threats or casual talk of murder. We can't assume that just because they're kids, they won't commit adult-level violence. Remember, we're dealing here with all the things we're dealing with in violent adults, plus even poorer impulse control, an even less sophisticated world view and the invincibility of youth. As we've seen all too frequently recently, that's a dangerous combination.”

The National Crime Prevention Council wants to teach our students and faculty how to be more vigilant and recognize students who are in crisis. The warning signs include:
• Threats to bring a weapon to school
• Talk about retaliation or a copycat crime
• Overhearing or seeing a "hit list" at school or online
• Troubling essays or other disturbing writing
• Sudden changes in a student's behavior or mood swings
• Students with difficulty controlling anger or handling conflict
• Students experiencing bullying or other means of peer isolation

Child safety means documenting your process with timely notes, then report your suspicions to the school principal, the police, and warn the potential victims. Then monitor their follow-up. It's better to have a false alarm than a tragedy.

REPORT EVEN CASUAL THREATS
You hear it time and again. “It can’t happen here.” Unfortunately it can. Omaha’s Westroads Mall, Virginia Tech University, Columbine High School. They all thought, “It couldn’t happen here.” But it did happen here, it did happen there, it has happened all over the country and it could happen again. ... Dr. Susan Lipkins, considered the leading authority in high school and college violence, said that extra police and things like metal detectors don’t get to the root of the problem. “Schools still are not addressing how to identify and track potentially violent students,” she said. “And that inaction is a certain recipe for disaster.”
WHAT YOU CAN DO FOR CHILD SAFETY
Lipkins outlines action plans for anyone who hears a threat to come forward with information:
• Immediately report information to the police or school, when it appears that a student is extremely isolated, depressed, hostile, unstable, and obsessed with guns, ammunition and destruction.
• Multiple systems to report suspicious activities must be made available. Tip hotlines should be publicized and include online anonymous ways to report.
• The reporting of activity is not enough. A systematic way to quickly assess the information and alert appropriate administrators, students, and the public needs to be in place, well functioned and practiced.
• Appropriate and immediate staff needs to be available to intervene and protect.
• Train students that they have the power to act/react since a group can overpower individuals [like the 9-11 heroes of United Airlines flight 93].
Excerpted from The North Platte Telegraph (NE) – 22 March 2008

Rampage shooters – whether in schools, shopping malls, or the workplace – all display the same Shooting Rampage Early-Warning-Signs described in Risks & Remedies. Also see Shooting Rampage.

"Kids who are repeatedly bullied can have long-term problems with self-esteem, depression and insecurity; they may become socially isolated, even into adulthood," said child psychologist Robin D'Antona. ... Bullying can be direct (hitting, shoving, taunting, making obscene gestures) or indirect (social exclusion, rumors, cyber-bullying). "It's the popular kids who are more likely to bully." Girl bullies are more likely to use gossip and social manipulation, while males are more likely to use physical tactics," said D'Antona. ... If parents have a child who's bullied, they should collect the facts and then tell the school. A good school will help protect the child.
Excerpted from The Dover-Sherborn Press (MA) – 01 April 2004

Once again, bullying is implicated in a school shooting – the Virginia Tech massacre by Seung-Hui Cho. Almost every school shooter in cases studied over the last decade cited bullying as a motivating factor for the crime. Some parents encourage their children to fight back and win if provoked. A culture that accepts and even encourages bullying provides the impetus toward the violent response that Cho chose. ... Many shooters thought they were martyrs for their peers. "I do this on behalf of all students who are mistreated," declared 16-year-old Luke Woodham, who killed his ex-girlfriend and her best friend in the 1997 school shooting in Pearl MS. Cho likened himself to Jesus Christ "to inspire generations of the weak and the defenseless people." ... In the United States, various studies reflect that 25 to 80 percent of students are bullied. The essential question is not just how to stop school shootings, but how to dismantle the bully culture. We have not adequately implemented the supportive programs used in Europe that almost immediately reduced bullying by 50 percent.
Excerpted from Newsday (Long Island NY) – 27 April 2007

In extreme cases, bullying can lead to a victim’s suicide or a retaliatory shooting rampage (as in the Columbine massacre). Fight Crime: Invest in Kids is a nationwide organization for preventing the agony of bullying that some 30 percent of children endure. Contact www.FightCrime.org.

Help protect your child from kidnappers, molesters, and bullies by using:
• Child Alarms at www.guarddog.net alert you if your child wanders away beyond 30 feet. A variety of models are available. I highly recommend these if used with the utmost parental discretion.
• Alarms (a.k.a. noisemakers). An attacker won’t likely chase a noisy target. See www.guarddog.net.
• For complete child safety, follow the guidance thoughout Crime-Safety-Security.com, especially Home Security.

Find all of child safety here:
• Child Safety - Overview
• Child - Molester Safety: the subtle warning signs.
• Child Safeguarding from molesters, bullies, and more. (YOU’RE NOW ON THIS PAGE)
• Child - Internet Safety: the dangers & safeguards.
• Child - Outdoor Safety: staying out of harm’s way.
• Child - Kidnapping Escape from a monster.
• Recap & Resources : a summary & extensive contact list.
• Personal Security Products

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Child Safety - Overview
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