Victim's Options
4th Option: Surrendering

Should a victim surrender to an attacker's threats in order to avoid violence? Criminology, FBI, and police experts say there's no one answer for all situations. How could there be? I've interviewed women who'd surrendered to kidnapping, were taken to a secluded location, raped, then left otherwise unharmed. The same goes for women who were already in a secluded place when attacked. I've also interviewed women who'd surrendered to being tied up and weren't otherwise physically violated at all, but merely robbed. But I met only the ones who'd survived. Homicide detectives deal with the ones who didn't.

The risk of surrendering is that a criminal who threatens violence is more likely to use violence after all. He's probably a repeat offender, skilled at manipulative threats and false promises, and very willing to further harm his victim - perhaps on a whimsical last-minute decision to eliminate his only witness.

"In a stranger-rape situation, if he allows you to see his face or get his name, or you can somehow otherwise identify your attacker, and he knows it, it’s all the more important to get away from him, even if he has a knife and you are risking injury. Because unless he’s quite inexperienced, he’s likely to kill you to leave no witnesses."
– John Douglas, pioneering FBI profiler

Surrendering to rape, kidnapping, and/or binding might well lead to torture and murder. Having a helpless victim fully at his mercy often drives a predator to power-madness - erupting in a sudden frenzy. However, some helpless victims succeed in befriending their captor - see Hostage Taking and Hostage Survival.

Even though no solid statistics exist to guide victims, almost all experts agree that surrendering is probably the worst choice in most cases (at least 51 percent but probably higher). A victim can only rely on her Intuition to choose one of the five Victim's Options. The following lessons shed light on this dark issue.

I am lying on my back halfway down the stairs, my arm pressing my 6-month-old baby hard against my abdomen. What stops us from thudding down to the front door is a man's hand, clutching my torn T-shirt. At my throat he holds a knife. My body having failed me, my mind is desperately looking for a way out. But the blade, though not very sharp, is held with enough conviction to bruise and tells me I am going nowhere. ... An unsteady resolve filters into my shell-shocked, adrenaline-charged brain. I must at all costs keep this man calm. He must feel that he is in control, that I will in no way threaten him, that I will do everything I can to assist him. "No shouting," he breathes behind me. "No running." "Okay," I say. "It's okay. Just let me get up. I'm okay now." Slowly he relinquishes his grip. ... "Look, I will give you anything you want." He says, "I need money, jewelry, guns." Thankfully, my wallet is on the table and I give him the pitiful offering. I see my wedding ring. Relief floods through me. I finally have something of value for him. "This is the only gold I have. Please, you must take it." I place it in his hand. He stands there, defeated, and slowly hands the ring back and turns to leave. ... I am grateful, so grateful, that fate has brought this man into my life and not some gang of hardened 18-year-olds.
Excerpted from a November 2003 Oprah magazine article by Pippa de Bruyn of Cape Town, South Africa

Victim defiance, in general, includes fighting and also non-violent, non-compliant physical resistance such as clamping your limbs around a stationary object to hinder being carried away. Yelling is another form of defiance. If a predator says, “Don’t yell,” he’s really saying that yelling would help you and hinder him. So yell as loud as you can!

Passive, non-violent victim responses include:
• Letting a robber have your valuables. No surprises – tell him beforehand that you’re reaching for your wallet, the slowly do so.
• Giving a burglar an escape route. Let him get away, or you should flee.
• If a burglar inadvertently awakens you in your bedroom, you might try to pretend you’re still asleep until he leaves. But be ready to instantly erupt in a rage to fight for your life.
• If he has a weapon, you might surrender but remain alert for opportunities to surprise-attack him and escape. (See Kidnap Survival.)

Karen Maffucci got it right. Confronted and then abducted by an armed man threatening her life, she made some strategic decisions that may have saved her life. "A lot of it is situational," police said. "So it's hard to say what's the right thing to do because it depends on the circumstance. But she did everything right. She was nonconfrontational when she was initially abducted -- there wasn't a lot she could have done with an armed intruder -- but when an opportunity presented itself, she was able to escape." ... Cid-Perez entered the Maffucci home through a garage door left open by Karen Maffucci's personal trainer then confronted her with a handgun and demanded $200,000. Instead of resisting or aggravating her assailant, she did as she was told, then waited until she was left in a horse stable before making her move to escape.
Excerpted from The Bridgewater Courier News (NJ) – 04 December 2005

THE LIE YOU DESPERATELY WANT TO BELIEVE
Renowned authors Sanford Strong ("Strong on Defense") and J.J. Bittenbinder ("Tough Target") point out that: when someone is told a lie they desperately want to believe, they’re going to believe it, as when a predator tells his prey, “Do what I say and I won’t hurt you.” Anyone using threats of violence is likely to use violence after all.

"I believe with all my heart that the man with a knife planned on killing me that night and would have done so if that jogger had not come along," the victim said. He would not listen to her pleas for mercy, she said. She asked him if he believed in Jesus, but she could not make him see how wrong his attack was. "He treated me like my life had no value," the victim said. "He was just going to toss me aside like a piece of garbage when he was done."
Excerpted from The Easton Express-Times (PA) – 09 May 2003

Begging is usually futile because it often thrills and emboldens the rapist. Studies at Brandeis University showed that, in unarmed attacks, the women most apt to be raped or harmed are those who do not fight back, relying instead upon begging or reasoning with their attackers. Furthermore, most untrained women who do fight back successfully prevent the rape. The techniques in Fighting Options will further improve their odds.

Women were once taught to always surrender to rape to avoid injury. Today, experts consider such one-dimensional advice outdated because it reflected society’s regard of any woman as being helpless against any man.

Today, most experts agree that yes, surrendering may sometimes be necessary to survive, but it puts the victim fully at the mercy of a possibly homicidal monster. While there is no shame in surrendering, it may not always be the safest option.

ANYONE SURRENDERING to ANY CRIME
Somewhere between the two extremes of “never resist” versus “always resist” lies a middle ground. Whether you’re male or female victim facing any physical threat, you must assess your unique capacities as well as the unique situation, then trust your Intuition to guide you.

"I'd always hated it when people called me brave because I felt it implied women who didn't fight back were somehow cowards, which completely misses the point. I also knew my survival had more to do with dumb luck than character: those few seconds where I played dead wasn't strategy - I simply did the next thing that occurred to me."
Excerpted from The Guardian Observer – 12 November 2006 quoting Abi Grant, who'd successfully fought off a serial rapist – as described in Ultimate Rape Prevention

He came to her house wearing a ski mask and carrying a shotgun. He beat the woman and raped her. But when the woman's attacker threatened to rape her 6-year-old daughter, the woman went for a butcher knife. ... That prompted a violent back-and-forth struggle. She stabbed him. He stabbed her. They fought for perhaps as long as 20 minutes, rolling around on the kitchen floor of the woman's home. When it was over, the rapist lay dead in the yard. Police found the woman badly injured. Her daughter, though, was safe. ... "It's amazing," police said. "I suppose her will to live was stronger than his."
Excerpted from The Atlanta Journal-Constitution – 07 November 2006

Surrendering - putting yourself fully at the mercy of a criminal - should be the last resort of your five options. However, surrendering is a good strategy as a ploy to set the stage for an escape – especially when aided by a surprise, explosive Sucker Punch.

The Five Victim's Options:
• Victim’s Options - Overview of the Five Victim's Options:
• 1st Option - Posturing: presenting yourself as a tough target (predators prefer easy prey). If that doesn’t work:
• 2nd Option - Fleeing, the most obvious choice, might not be possible. If not:
• 3rd Option - Outsmarting: by verbally defusing a confrontation and maneuvering toward escape. If that doesn’t work:
• 4th Option - Surrendering (YOU’RE NOW ON THIS PAGE) and hoping for the best; or preferably as a prelude to an escape, perhaps aided by:
• 5th Option - Fighting like a mad dog to enable your escape. Stun & run.
• Recap of Victim’s Options.

It’s impossible to fully anticipate the panicky chaos of a sudden threat forcing you to choose among a victim's options in a split-second. Nonetheless, understanding your options now will help your Intuition choose an option then.

Enhancing Your Options
Pepper Spray & a Noisemaker visibly ready will greatly enhance your first option – Posturing as a tough target – and probably deter a predator immediately. Your fifth option – Fighting – is enhanced as well.

KRAV MAGA, a practical self-defense system used by many police forces worldwide, teaches you to defend yourself, enhances your survival instinct, and can be applied under extreme stress. It's not flashy, just very effective. I highly recommend it. The Krav Maga TV - Online Training videos are especially convenient to learn at home when your schedule allows or if you don't live near a training center.

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