Stalker Warning Signs

Most people think safety is a game of chance, but spotting the Stalker Warning Signs early on can stack the odds of winning heavily in your favor.

There are warning signs with obsessive love. "Try to be aware, when you first meet someone, if it's 'too much, too soon,' " advised Michael Prodan of the Department of Justice Behavioral Science Unit. "It goes against our innate notion of 'love at first sight,' but you need to be aware of a push. Being relentlessly pursued doesn't mean you're special, it means the person is troubled."
Excerpted from The Hutchinson News (KS) – 09 May 2006

Stalkers usually share two or more of these stalker warning signs: he’s impulsive, obsessive, selfish, doesn’t take no for an answer, has few friends, and has low self-esteem.

A partner, or ex-partner, who may be inclined to commit a violent act may exhibit some of the following warning signs:
• A feeling of helplessness or loss of control in the relationship.
• The loss of perspective, where the person begins to over-interpret what his or her partner says or does.
• Isolation from friends and family and a loss of interest in other people and activities.
Signs that your partner or ex-partner may become violent:
• A history of prior domestic violence.
• Ongoing substance abuse.
• Actual or threatened suicide attempts.
• A growing and unhealthy dependence upon you, in which he or she excludes their friends and activities, and becomes focused on you exclusively.
Excerpted from The Detroit Free Press – 17 April 2008

Trust your intuition. If you feel unsafe, you probably are, and should seek help. Take stalker warning signs seriously.

Songs and movies may add fuel to a stalker’s fire. Songs like the Eagles’ “One Of These Nights,” Blondie’s “One Way Or Another,” and Sting’s “Every Move You Make” are but three of many that advocate persistent pursuit of a romantic target. Harmless for the ordinary listener, these types of songs may serve as sinister anthems for stalkers of women.

Moreover, seeing movies with a hero romantically pursuing a beautiful woman, then finally winning her heart and living happily ever after, is not a healthy message for a stalker’s unstable mind. He’ll fancy himself the star of his own script and cast an unlucky woman as his romantic interest.

Perhaps the woman was too kind to him early on and he heard what he wanted to hear rather than what she actually meant to say. Perhaps she didn’t clearly and firmly reject his romantic delusion as one of the stalker warning signs – nipping it in the bud before it bloomed in full.

Christopher Shumway had a crush on Erin Sperrey and asked her out several times. Her mother said Sperrey was too polite to say no to Shumway but instead made up excuses as to why she couldn’t go out with him. ... One day about a month ago her daughter agreed to meet with Shumway outside of work. Instead, she stood him up by going to a friend’s house. “He came to the friend’s house and was having little fits,” she said. ... Her sister said Sperry was not fearful of Shumway but that she did mention that Shumway was upset that she turned down his date requests. “She was not really afraid of him. There was no way she could expect him to get violent.” Shumway soon stabbed her to death.
Excerpted from The Bangor Daily News (ME) – 07 January 2005

STOP STALKINGS BEFORE THEY BEGIN - NIP IT IN THE BUD

Other times a woman will reluctantly agree to a date or give her phone number to a man she's not interested in. Maybe she's caught by surprise and feels too awkward to just say "No." But she's merely delaying his rejection later on. Even a benign guy will feel less disappointment sooner rather than later. A deluded guy may never understand why a woman let him get to first base then left him stranded. For him, it's too late to stop now – the game has already begun and he plans on winning.

Pay close attention to anyone’s craving for you - that is one of the stalker warning signs. Even a seemingly innocent and common romantic crush involves powerful emotions that can escalate into a haunting, long-term bombardment of your emotions. Be quick to recognize unusual attention and act immediately.

Similar to Date Rape miscommunication, some men tend to misinterpret women's feelings, and some women tend to send mixed messages. Be sure to send only clear, firm, yet polite messages. Hints do not work! Make your feelings clear – and clearly expect a proper response. An improper response is another of the stalker warning signs.

If he’s mildly aggressive, you might say, “Thank you for your offer, but I’m not interested.” If he’s crude, you can either ignore him with a huff or you might say, Please leave me alone!” However you handle it, politely leave no doubt that you’re not interested.

If you know your stalker, as soon as possible be blunt, clear, and firm (yet polite) as you tell him you absolutely don’t want a relationship with him and never will. Say, "I don't want a relationship with you, and I know I won’t change my mind.” Period! Say this one time only, then never speak to him again. If he ignores what you say, he’s proving your feelings don’t matter to him - another one of the stalker warning signs.

Make sure you don’t let him down easy. That makes him think you’re not sure and might later change your mind. Clearly reject him (politely - to avoid his spiteful revenge), but avoid giving specific reasons because he’ll challenge each one.

Remain calm and very polite. The crucial key is carefully balancing between never insulting him yet never being warm to him either. Remain coolly polite. Simply say, "No thank you, I'm not interested.” Allowing no further discussion, do not negotiate. End the conversation. Otherwise, like a spark igniting a raging inferno, the deluded mind of a potential stalker will fan any glimmer of hope into a burning passion that will consume you.

SAFETY TIPS FOR WOMEN

Checks
If you see any stalker warning signs, check the registered sex offenders living near you at FamilyWatchdog.us. But, since rapists average 7 victims before their first arrest – many won’t be on the maps. And remember that sex offenders may prowl outside their neighborhood, or are homeless, or – as 24 percent do nationwide – assume false identities and disappear.

Date Rape, Stalker Warning Signs, Domestic Violence, Protection Order, & Personal Safety Devices

For overall rape prevention strategies, – see Rape Escape Options - Overview and especially Rape Escape Options - Ultimate Rape Prevention.

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